How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
