Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize