So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Holy sore nipples Batman
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize