Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
