you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
