it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
