I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
