I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
