How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
