Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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