Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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