Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
