she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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