I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
