Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
