the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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