You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
