You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
