i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
