when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
