fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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