I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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