He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
