Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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