There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
