Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
