I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
