No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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