I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
