Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
