It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
