And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
