dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
