I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found puke in my bra..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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