Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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