Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
