I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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