Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
