I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
