As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
