I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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