Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
