Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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