i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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