I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
