Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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