Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
