I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
