why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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