there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
