I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
