I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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