i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
