It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize