I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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