I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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