We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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