I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
