Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
