so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
