There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
