Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
