If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FUCK WHALES
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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