How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize