i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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