are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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