some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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