The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
