Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize